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in reply to: Mindset Chapters 1-2 #2622
Mindset Chapter 1-2 Summary
What is your mindset around alcohol?
I chose this book because it’s essential to understand the difference between fixed and growth mindsets. Carol Dweck has done extensive research, and although it’s not specific around alcohol, that’s how I learned my way to sober freedom. I didn’t follow the traditional path. It wasn’t a good fit for me, and I would have ended up drunk. I couldn’t adapt to the belief system that I was told to accept. I felt like I was not in charge of myself.
How many people do you think delay the process of living in sober freedom, finding a new way of experiencing life without alcohol, or learning to experience alcohol differently because they believe it’s all or nothing?
How many believe there is only one way to think about alcohol or see themselves with alcohol?What is your view about yourself?
There is so much I could summarize on, but I would be writing another book. I’ll pull from a few of the highlighted texts and if you want to discuss further, post a question or a comment. And, of course, share your thoughts and experience of the reading.
“…the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value.”
In reflecting on 2003, when I first stopped drinking, what was my view about myself? I was excited about the possibilities. I felt like I had this blank slate, tabula rasa; a colleague once commented about my approach to sobriety. I can create what I want.
Being open to the possibilities was a growth mindset. I didn’t see myself as having to fit a mold, black or white, all or nothing. But I had started my path living without alcohol without the most commonplace beliefs about all things recovery. The counselor running the outpatient treatment facility I attended was anti-AA. So, I felt I had some choices in identifying who I was and was in charge of my thoughts, actions, and choices.Are you a learner or a nonlearner?
“I don’t divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the success and the failures…I divide the world into the learners and the nonlearners.”
A popular example of a learning mentality is when a baby is learning to walk or talk. Could you imagine if they just gave up? Of course, they don’t have one of the most crippling elements that hinder most of our progress, history.
I witnessed it in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and throughout the years being an observer of human behavior. Every time we try and fail, we feel defeated and lose our self-confidence and esteem. We decide who we are based on who we have been. Can you see any problems with this thinking when trying to break a pattern or habit?
Think about the following statements and my response to them:
– I tried not drinking, and it didn’t work. That was you then. Who are you now?
– I can’t stop thinking about drinking. That’s because your focus is on not drinking. What else could you think about?
– Life without alcohol, what fun is that? How much fun are you having now? I’m pretty sure it’s not drinking and then shaming and guilting yourself the next day until you do it again. Maybe a better question is, How do you define fun?Instead of keeping our minds open and considering other possibilities, we paint ourselves into a helpless heap in the corner and reason that we might as well surrender to what everybody else is doing.
How else could you approach your drinking habit? You’re doing it right now – exploring, experimenting, expanding, eliminating, expressing, experiencing, and exercising alcohol autonomy. I call this alcohol autonomy with e’s.
When someone asks me if they are supposed to drink while going through Pink Cloud Coaching’s 28 Day Resolve assessment program, I tell them it’s their choice. I encourage keeping a journal handy and consider specific questions to learn from the experience if they drink. There is so much wisdom that can be collected when we are intentional, and it’s not surprising how our drinking experience can change with this simple exercise.How can a growth mindset help with depression?
“…Fixed mindsets had higher levels of depression…because they ruminated over their problems and setbacks, essentially tormenting themselves….”
“…depressed people with the growth mindset felt (short of severe depression) the more they took action to confront their problems, the more they made sure to keep up with their schoolwork, and the more they kept up with their lives. The worse they felt, the more determined they became!”
Oh. My. Goodness. I share in a lot of detail the massive devasting destruction I faced while getting sober in my first book, Wholly Sober. Yet, I smiled through tears and kept moving forward. To have collapsed into hopelessness would not have gotten me through that time in my life.
I recently experienced a heartbreaking event while rebranding Pink Cloud Coaching and losing the sixty pounds I gained, trying to be what the experts said I should be to succeed in marketing my business. This past April, I unexpectedly lost my mother. She had been my inspiration, and she is my why. My mother never knew she could be the master of her own destiny. She didn’t think she could choose who she wanted to be. She was too afraid to be true to herself. She spent most of her life escaping, numbing out, and dumbing down with alcohol.
It wasn’t easy, and some days I smiled, typed, talked, read, watched, and learned through tears. Was I depressed? Most assuredly. Staying in that state would not change anything. My options were clear: either stay and wallow in the pain or keep moving forward. Time doesn’t exactly heal the wound, but experiences expand our heart and soul, so the wound isn’t as gaping.
Never once did I pause and think about whether I was practicing a growth or fixed mindset. I was just being and doing what has worked for me over the last two decades. I am not powerless. If I want something different, I have to do and be something different. Life doesn’t stop no matter how big or small the event or how sad or happy you are.CONCLUSION
The books that I chose for the final quarter of 2021 were on purpose. They contributed to who I was becoming on my journey to alcohol autonomy. It’s exciting to revisit these books at THIS stage in my life. It’s like, oh yeah, I forgot about that, and I am interpreting the content much deeper and broader than before.
And taking notes and recording thoughts for your benefit is taking it to the next level. Thank you for being a part of my journey too.in reply to: October 25, 2021, 9 am pacific time #2576Momentum Mondays will officially start 11/01/2021!!!!
I’m super excited to support you in this way.
While many, if not most, people dread Monday, I have LOVED them. Well, Since I have lived in sober freedom, I can’t want to share everything I have come to understand how and why this is.
There are SO many benefits with M & M.
I will be creating a video today to share more about this high-value ad at no additional cost.
This is the benefit of being a founding member. I’ll continue to refine, add, and develop to offer you the best results possible and your cost will never change as long as you remain a member.
You are helping Sober Freedom Sisterhood develop into a life-changing service!
I appreciate you more than words can express. Teresa
in reply to: You Can Heal Your Life Chapters 9 – 12 #2564You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay
My summary from Chapters 9-12
Right out of the gate, Chapter Nine, If children gave up when they fell, they would never learn to walk, reminded me about how we have to practice doing and being different. It doesn’t mean we fail. It means we need to practice more.
That’s how I feel about being sober. Sober is NOT about abstinence. Most people measure sober success by whether they drink or not. This is so short-sighted and why so many people struggle.
If you are truly sober, have a clear mind, an open heart, living with intention, alcohol becomes a nonissue.
BELIEF SYSTEMS
The problem is when you realize you want to change your drinking habit; you start tuning into common messages such as;
Alcohol is bad.
Alcohol is the problem.
When alcohol becomes a problem, it will always be a problem,
Abstinence is the solution.
We are told that if we can’t control our drinking, then we are out of control. I believe if we can’t control our drinking, it’s because we aren’t focusing on the right thing. We are thinking about drinking or not drinking, and I’ve written a lot about how the feedback loop in our brain gets activated, and without intercepting that train of thought, simply put, we talk ourselves into drinking. It wasn’t an automatic compulsion; it was a persistent thought that we kept thinking about until we exhausted our willpower and gave in.
Sounds simple, I know. Simple doesn’t always mean easy. But you CAN change your thoughts and change your life with time, intention, and practice.
This book reminded me of practices I started back then and helped me understand why I possibly never struggled with alcohol ever again when I stopped drinking in 2003.
Early in my sobriety, at the close of every journal entry, I would thank God for the ability to breathe, see, touch, walk, love, and have rational and independent thought. I’m not 100% certain this practice came from this book, as I had been abstinent for two months before meeting my sponsor who gifted me, You Can Heal Your Life.
As I mentioned before in an earlier post, I can see how this book may be responsible for giving me the courage to break with traditional programming and beliefs. Regardless, how resistant I was with much of the content because it rubbed against my then limited understanding of my Christian belief system.
I’M NOT DONE
The ONE THING that did carry me through and has for all these years, especially through heartbreak, and devastation, is knowing I’m not done and there’s still a lot of life to live, and it’s my choice how I live it. I can’t blame anyone when I’m ready to transition from this life to whatever lies ahead for not experiencing a life I wanted to. I have choices, and so do you.
If you drank when you said you weren’t going to, do not beat the crap out of yourself. Do not think you are damaged or broken. Instead, get curious and explore what led to that choice? Nothing better to do? Feeling blue? Feeling trapped? Feeling frustrated?
Keep getting up and move forward.
This is where having intentional thoughts, a list of possibilities, and a compelling vision of why making a different choice serves a greater reward.
MOTIVATION VS INSPIRATION
I know it can be overwhelming, and without a constant reminder to think differently and do better, it’s too easy to give in to the urge that keeps ringing the drinking bell.
I know many of you. I know you can go days, weeks, months without drinking when you are “motivated.” The problem with motivation is it typically isn’t sustainable and always ends.
What I’m talking about is being inspired to do life differently, to learn to think differently about your habit(s), your life, your partner, your work, your spirituality, YOU!
This cannot happen in one fell swoop. Mainly because when we feel we need to make this change, we have no idea what we DO want.
A good question to ask: What do you want that alcohol is getting in the way of?
Better question: Who would you be if you didn’t drink or rarely drank?
If you can answer these questions with clarity and conviction, you’re well on your way, but most of us can only say, I don’t want to drink anymore because I feel like crap, it’s not good for me, I can’t lose weight. These are the most common reasons I hear.
That’s why we only focus on what we don’t want; we don’t want to give up alcohol altogether, we don’t want alcohol to be so prevalent in our lives.
It takes time, intention, and practice. Along with exploration, experimentation, reflection, and refinement, and stacking one new conscious choice for lasting change on top of another.
I have so much more that I want to say about all of this, but for now, I’m just going to share what this reading has inspired within me.
MOMENTUM MONDAY’S
I am offering live support through what I’m calling Momentum Monday’s just for Members.
The goal is to stream live on our member page every Monday, to help you set your intention for the week and identify little practices that will help you build momentum for the week.
I am working with my website administrator to get this done as early as this coming Monday, October 25, at 9 am, pacific time.
If you can’t make it to the live event, it will be recorded. You will be able to leave questions, post your intention, or any other comment in the forum directly associated with the live or recorded message.
Remember, Sober Freedom Sisterhood is new. I am constantly looking at ways to build more value and be of the greatest service to you. Your ideas, suggestions, and feedback are encouraged and welcomed.
Keep reading. Keep filling your mind, heart, and body with stuff that supports who you are becoming.
You are not the same you as you were yesterday, and you can choose who you will be in the future.
FINAL CHAPTERS, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE
The final chapters are light, and many of the pages consist of “The List.” I’ll write a final summary of my experience of the chapters as I have previously. I do hope that you are reading with an open heart. Consider her words mindfully. I had no idea the seeds that were planted long ago that contributed to my sober success.in reply to: REFLECT, REFINE, RELEASE ZOOM LIVE #2531REFLECT
Last time we met I invited you to set an intention for the month of October.
Why did you decide on the thing you decided on?
Did it inspire you? Excite you? Stimulate you?REFINE
What, if anything, do you need to refine?
Your thoughts, expectations, is your intention defined enough?
How do you feel about it now?RELEASE
I’m not feeling it. I don’t get it. How is this helping me with my drinking?
If you’re not feeling for your intention. If you don’t get it. It’s not helping with your drinking.
There is no switch or magical compilation of words that will strip you of any desire to continue meeting the habitual need you have practice for some time.
But I promise you that if you keep practicing being intentional with your thoughts, feelings, and actions and uncover, recover, discover dreams, goals, and aspirations that feel more resonant to you at your core than you can remember in recent history your reliance on alcohol will subside.REASONING
If I served you everything you were going to eat in the next couple of months, would you eat it all now and be sustained for the two months? No.
It will take time, intention, and practice. I will continue to meet you here twice a month, once one on one, encourage you to read and expose yourself to new concepts and ideas, and add to the library summaries, worksheets, and more.
I’m always open to suggestions on how to bring more value to your experience in Sober Freedom Sisterhood. Please don’t be shy, and share.If you have a question or suggestion you think would benefit the membership post it in our forum or you can email me directly Teresa@TeresaRodden.com
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