Sobriety and Love – Decide what you want
Love is every day, in all ways, always. It’s a choice to love. I learned that many years ago.
It was 2003 and I had just escaped my abuser’s grip just a few short months before and stopped drinking a couple of months before that. I was going through bankruptcies, homelessness, zero dollars in the bank, facing jail time for slow-paying child support, and in a failing business with my sponsor.
I had no business falling in love, but there I was standing in the kitchen with my emotions twisted inside out about a man I honestly didn’t know very well. My protective (scared, doubtful, immature) self was telling me to tell him to get fcked before he screws me over. Lawd, knows I’ve had my fill with bad characters, and I didn’t need a questionable relationship messing with my heart and head.
What did he do? Nothing. I just didn’t FEEL enough confidence in him, in me, to be in a relationship. Hell, my AA sponsor/sponsee relationship was going down in a fireball what the hell was I thinking?
DECIDED TO LOVE
Gosh, I can remember this moment crystal clear. It’s like my back straightened and I adjusted my crown and said, I am going to love him with all of my heart and if he breaks it, that’s on him. I’m done living scared. From that moment on I have cared for him and loved him like no other person on the planet. We have been married for sixteen years and together for over eighteen. I decided to love.
There is no perfect person that will complete us. We need to be complete on our own and love intentionally. Since that moment I have envisioned us growing old and reliving our shared memories together. So many people think it’s the spark and chemistry and maybe for them, that works. But for me I want an old friend to remember with and trust and love all the way until the end. That does it for me.
I have one more quick story I want to tell you about simply making a decision to love on the spot with zero evidence it would work and no courting to hedge the bet.
We rescued Maggy on the weekend just before the Covid lockdown end of March 2020. I had been emailing back and forth with her keeper for a few days and we arranged to meet at a park. What we knew is she had been unintentionally neglected by being left home alone all day, every day most of her short-lived life. So, she had no social skills. Even though they left the back door open for her to go outside during the day she had accidents in the house. She was nine months old, fifty pounds, hyper, and had no training.
We were still at least twenty feet apart when I locked eyes with her and told her I love you and we are going to be best friends. Wait! You must know I have had a fear of dogs, particularly dogs above my knees since being attacked when I was in my teens.
I decided at that moment no matter what she was our newest family member. There was no way of knowing how she would be with our old cat, aging sick dog, grandson, house rules, etc. But I knew I wasn’t ever going to let her go. I decided I loved her before I even formally met her.
I DON’T DRINK
You know I kind of did that with my drinking too. I decided I wanted to be around for my boys, then I decided to see what I could do with the superhuman qualities of living with a clear mind, open heart, and defined intention.
A clear mind goes way beyond not drinking, an open heart helps you move through life with peace, and a defined intention gives you focus and direction to move forward. This is what being sober, Wholly Sober, meant to me. I got excited to see who I could be and what I could do no longer being trapped in a stagnate construct. I was free.
I remember when I would start reminiscing about drinking, particularly, in the evenings when I was less distracted with things to do, I would straighten my back and adjust my crown, and say to myself, I don’t drink. I would not pull the thread of remembering when. I intercepted the thought that leads to the behavior – the feedback loop.
Then I would call a friend, read a book, go for a walk, or journal about my daydreams. Nobody could have convinced me that it could be that simple, but it was, and it can be for you too.
WHAT ABOUT YOU
What DECISION are you putting off because of doubt or fear? You can build the life you want by deciding what you want.
Let me know if this post resonates with you. I’m always interested to hear how others receive my ramblings, insight, and perspective. You can email me directly through pinkcloudcoaching.com just click on the contact tab or schedule a free consultation.
I have so much appreciation for you and the journey you are on and I’m here to make it as painless as possible.