“The prisoner who lost faith in their future was doomed…” Viktor Franklyn
I read this, and like so many times, I read similar brilliant passages; I’m magically transported back to when I didn’t want to wake up anymore.
It’s been over eighteen years since I’ve felt that level of doom, but my body, mind, and spirit have not forgotten the taste in my mouth every morning, listening to the sounds of the house, and waiting for the moment I hear that voice reminding me that I am trapped. The voice of my abuser, Prince Harming. “Why am I still here,” I would sometimes think out loud.
It seems absurd to even compare the two circumstances. But I felt I was doomed and had no hope for a better future.
Have you read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankyl? It makes for interesting bedtime reading, but that’s when my mind slows down enough for me to read. If you haven’t read it, consider doing so for perspective, if nothing else.
Back to the point of this post…
Many, if not all, of the women I have drinking concern conversations with, have lost connection to THEIR future. They’ve got a laundry list of tasks and supposed to’s but are very short-sighted on what they WANT and what they’re moving toward.
This may not be as extreme as the quote or even my experience, but I didn’t instantaneously end up lying across my bed wondering why am I still here. And, this is important, it wasn’t alcohol’s fault why I was there. I misused alcohol to help me ignore my foolish choices and numb the consequences of said choices. I built my prison one decision at a time with a drink in hand.
It was getting clear about wanting my FREEDOM that got me sober 18 years ago. And I have very telltale signs that signal when I’m not moving toward MY desired future—much more on that at a later date.
Get curious and spend some time exploring what you’re moving toward. Is it designed by you? Or are you going through the motions? Is it what lights you up? Or is it what you “should’ want or do?
Come on, now. You only have this one life!
Explore the POSSIBILITIES.
Be INTENTIONAL with who you are being and where you’re heading.
Put that NEUROPLASTICITY to use by considering other possibilities by practicing daydreaming.
And always exercise KINDNESS when examining your choices.
Before you drink, Think P.I.N.K.