Comfortable As Painful As Chaos?
I have seen how being comfortable can be as “painful” as chaos and lead to misusing alcohol to manage.
When you imagine someone that struggles with “controlling” alcohol you may envision someone completely out of control, chaos. It’s rare that I have a conversation with someone who is out of control. Most are successfully managing households, jobs, businesses, relationships, and family, comfortable.
To look at them or more accurately judge them you would tell them “You don’t have a problem.” This is often the case, or they are put on the one-way path of recovery, all or nothing abstinence, and told this is something they’ll have to manage for the rest of their life.
If they do nothing, nothing will change. If they follow the traditional path and exposed to common messages like, “you are powerless, you have a disease and there is no cure,” on repeat those messages can become self-fulfilling prophecies, whether true or not.
They are in a liminal space of opportunity and growth. It’s time for them to advance. But often they are too afraid of disrupting what they feel is working, what they know they can handle, and resist considering other possibilities.
It may be helpful to consider humans as a closed system ran on proven programs, beliefs, and patterns that have kept us safe so far. We like and feel comfortable with predictability. However, it’s the routine and rituals that need to be disrupted in order to find the dull pain that leads to doldrums drinking.
This is particularly common when women find themselves in other liminal spaces of uncertainty, everything is the same, but feels different such as the time between childbearing years and what I call liberation, the next level of maturity, who will I be now? It’s all in perspective.
We have been taught that youth is beauty and to be in awe of all the possibilities. What I have found is being vital, wise, and curious expands the horizon of opportunities. Ahhh, but the fear. The fear of what if I discover I don’t want this husband, house, city, or job?
Rarely, is the shift ever so great as leaving a spouse, shutting down a business, or moving to another state, region, or country. This is often where the imaginings take people when they have a perfectly coiffed life, and they blame alcohol as the problem.
Sometimes it’s as simple as learning to be more bold, curious, and adventurous in how they pursue life. You never wear red lipstick, try it. Observe how it makes you feel, how others respond to you, take note of the pros and cons of such an experiment. Be willing to break up the monotony of what your life has become.
I want to address the spouse specifically because what I have found to be true is when we embrace our inner desires, not to be confused with sex, our partners can find that intoxicating. It can be the very spark a couple needs to go hand in hand into the golden years.
We worry so much about what if I don’t like salsa dancing, what if the spouse gets mad at me for not being home all the time, what if I love salsa dancing and find I want someone else to dance with me?
Well, what if you start salsa dancing, learn a new language, get a degree, and grow confidence and gain charisma. What if he looks at you like he did when you first met twenty years ago? Remember, her?
What we don’t even realize is we lose connection to who we are as an individual and calmly go through the motions of our roles. Yes, this is who I am. Is it?
Are you ready to go on a journey to reconnect to self? All you need is a little courage, a smidgeon of curiosity, and maybe a coach, like me, that is as excited to see where your adventure takes you as you are.
If you’re up for it, click this link, and schedule a time to chat with me about what that would look like.