The power of reflection.
When my mom would get drunk and belligerent she would often escape into the evening and raise havoc that would ultimately land her in jail, the hospital or on our front porch drunk and beaten. The next day you wouldn’t get much mothering from her as she would be hungover smelling the bathroom like diarrhea and vomit. Ashamed and defeated once more listening to my brother and stepfather berate her by calling her lush, drunk, bitch, whore and alcoholic.
Unfortunately, this is the primary memory I recall when I recant my childhood. It’s painful. Not because I wasn’t nurtured or loved. These things weren’t provided traditionally and I didn’t come to learn how deeply I am loved by my mother until I became a f*cked-up mother too. I made mistakes. Took lovers in plain sight allowing them to stay over and even exposed them to an evil man I refer to as Prince Harming in my book, Wholly Sober.
I made the mistake of shared custody with my ex-husband and youngest son with him being the primary parent which cost me a lot in money and peace over several years fighting like hell to stay in my son’s life.
Then I got it. We as parents do stupid things. But it doesn’t mean you love any less. She loves me with every ounce of her, but the pain she experienced was overwhelming. The pain I feel in reflecting on this time is for my mother.
Nobody once asked:
What hurts so bad that you want to escape?
What would you like to do instead of this life of yours?
How can I help you through your pain?
Why do you risk your very life to drink?
What does drinking do for you?
Do you feel loved? Do you like your life?
What would you make different?
How does it feel to be a single Mom?
How did it feel to be rejected and abandoned by your dad, your son’s father, the father of your two girls?
What would it take for you to feel safe?
to be continued…
Teresa Rodden is the founder and owner of Pink Cloud Coaching, Author of Wholly Sober, creator of several woman based groups and organizations that recognize the unique needs and challenges of women.
She’s passionate about helping women identify their personal power and break the need to misuse life-sucking vices robbing women of their one and only precious life experience. Living Wholly Sober is not recovery! Click here to talk.