A sober mom is the best mom according to an article posted on the Pink Cloud Coaching Facebook page just a few days ago. It’s a blog post written in part by a twelve-year-old boy who was just five when his mom got sober. Following is an excerpt from the post:
“They say you feel warm when you drink, but I think my mom is warmer to me when she is sober! That’s my mom! The truth is that she isn’t mad about silly things anymore. She just isn’t mad with much of anything anymore, and that’s another reason why my sober mom is loving and awesome.”
I hear what he’s saying and have to agree with the getting angry over silly things, which don’t seem so silly when you’re nursing a hangover, or reeling from the repercussions from a drunken event. Like getting so drunk that you’re stumbling all over the place while out celebrating a good month of sales with your team. Yah, I don’t miss those days. Those kinds of embarrassing moments have a way of putting you on edge.
My boys at the time I quit alcohol said they didn’t see a problem with my drinking. There’s a part of me that believes all they knew was mom and alcohol. Mom living sober was a significant change in their lifestyle. At least once a week my drinking buddy, who happened to be my sister, would come over and bring her kids. While the adults were drinking and carrying on, the kids would run amuck. When mom got sober, those parties stopped. I think my boys missed that. I would be lying if I said I never thought of that as an excuse to have “one more party…for the kids.” But that never happened.
A sober mom is better able to savor life’s precious moments.
They are both grown men with their own families now. My oldest is happily married and serves our country in the Navy. My youngest has gifted me with a grandson that I believe in my soul; I wouldn’t be the rock star engaged granny that I am if I were still drinking.
…misusing alcohol to escape, drown, numb, avoid, dumb down, or shut out feelings, events, and problems.
Here’s the truth. You cannot be the best mom that you are capable of and were created to be if you are not a sober mom. I’m not talking about the occasional glass of wine or cocktail; I’m talking about misusing alcohol to escape, drown, numb, avoid, dumb down, or shut out feelings, events, and problems. Come on, stop fooling yourself. Even if your children tell you it’s okay, it’s not. You might skim by as I did, but I missed so much. And honestly, my sons didn’t have anything to compare it to, like the young man who wrote the article.
Now, here’s how I responded to the post that was shared on Pink Cloud Coaching’s page: “Brian, thanks so much for sharing this article. The guilt moms feel about not being present only compounds their need to drink and ease the pain. It only takes a decision to start the change and the guilt of the time missed can be overcome by doing better.”
Beating the crap out of themselves with guilt and shame is a common problem with mothers who misuse alcohol. Whether you want to get sober on your own, twelve step it or work with me on creating a life that moves you forward, instead of pulling you back ; it’s time to make a change.
You can’t change the past, but you can overcome it by compounding better choices moving forward.