Sometimes we fall short, and that’s okay.
Sorry but my brain hasn’t been operating at full capacity. I committed myself to post a blog every Friday. I missed last Friday. It wasn’t out of laziness or nothing to say, but my brain just kept short-circuiting. I completely forgot to do it. So, I shared with a couple of accountability friends that I would do it Saturday. Guess what? I forgot again.
Only Saturday, my Mom’s urn was delivered, and I puttered around the house avoiding eye contact with the box. I love my Mom. I know she’s no longer on this plane. But I bought the beautiful urn to honor her. I didn’t want what was left her human form stuck in a plastic bag inside a plain cardboard box. This was my Mom.
IT SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE
How on earth was I going to transfer the contents? It seemed impossible.
While my husband laid down for a nap, the house grew silent.
I was moved to open the box, and with no apprehension or resistance, I admired the beauty of the vase. It’s creamy pearl exterior and a beautiful, engraved daisy on top. Rich asked if Mom liked daisies, and I told him I was the one that had to look at it. A crude attempt at humor while struggling between logic and emotional distress. Mom loved my Shih Tzu, Daisy, and honestly, she would have thought it was weird, avoided thinking or talking about such a thing, but she would have definitely appreciated the beauty.
Sure, tears fell as I transferred her remains from one vessel to another.
It was another step toward healing.
It was honoring my Mother.
It was an act of love.
Why am I sharing this with you?
WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK
Because it’s important to remember we are stronger than we think and with the proper motivation we can do hard things. When that box was delivered, I couldn’t imagine opening it, and within a couple of hours, with calm in my spirit and peace in my heart, I was able to do what I couldn’t imagine a short time before. It was a blessing to have this process behind me. I never have to do this again.
I was motivated by honoring her and my love for her.
The gift of doing the hard thing was a lot of my creativity and momentum were restored. Am I fully healed from the unexpected sudden passing of my Mother? No. But I’m healing, and I feel more in purpose and determined than ever before.
Last night as I signed off with my accountability partner, I wrote: “Feeling my momentum return and it feels more intense. My Mom is with me, guiding me and reminding me of who I am!”
While I was writing Wholly Sober, I felt the essence of my grandmothers cheering me on, and now she has joined them. Mom is free of the fear that had such a tight hold on her most of her life, up until Alzheimer’s stalled at a childlike state of silly and wonder.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN SIGNS?
I’ve experienced some signs. One that hit me smack dab in the chest, literally. I’ll share it all with you at a later time. I’ve already written it. But I feel there’s something left to say still. It’s coming soon! Until then…
Much love, Teresa