…I threw up. I never throw up. It’s a curse and a blessing. What happened next scared me more than what I had just experienced. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, got dressed, and…
I numbly followed the old hallway, crept down the narrow staircase, made my way across the dining room, through the kitchen, and into the beer cavern. Where I proceeded to open a beer and drink it.
I felt like my soul surrendered to the drinking. Could you imagine feeling like even your soul is giving up? I felt so disconnected and eerily enough – I don’t remember anything after that. I’m not sure if just too much time has passed or I had a black out? I don’t remember having “black outs”, very often. Hahaha, it sounds funny, but it’s true. I would usually be a bit hazy, maybe miss a couple specifics of the evening, but typically not blackouts.
Trying to piece the night before together is probably one of the things I most celebrate on a continuous basis. Even almost 12 years later – I celebrate. F*ck I just hated that. Especially, when I was single and hitting the clubs. Or when I started dating Prince Harming. Ughhh…it’s hard to believe what I allowed myself to accept and endure. Rather than face it, toe to toe, and get through, rise above or blow it up, I chose to drink in excess on a regular basis to numb my choices out.
Here’s the thing… it completely freaks me out to this day, that I could have such an “out of body” experience with complete awareness, through the entire shower scene, only to completely shut down only moments later.
Ladies, your choices don’t magically balance out. If you know you’re numbing out to avoid making things right, sober up, put on some cute shoes, and start walking. Not sure how to do that? I might be able to help. And if I can’t there are other resources available to you. No more ignoring what you know is truth for YOU.
– Teresa Rodden, Certified Life Coach
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