Parents don’t always know best! Our parents know from their life experiences. In this video, Darren Hardy speaks of parents that limit dreams and aspirations of their children. He gives great references for his point. But I want to demonstrate how our parents influence us in other ways too.
My mom wanted me to find a man who would “take care” of me. Even today mom has no value in my being a successful author and business owner. Her biggest concern is “How’s your husband doing?” I get the impression she’s worried that I may “lose” him and be left alone. I understand her fear. She still feels the sting of being abandoned and left without a home or the ability to care for herself many years ago. In fact, this was a repeated cycle in mom’s life. Alcohol became a comfort and cure for relinquishing any sense-of-self and completely surrendering any possibility of personal growth. Mom wouldn’t have had these two thoughts because survival was her only objective.
I relented to her way. After years of strong-arming my way through life–I don’t need a man and fuck off if you don’t like me and taking bold steps and advancing in a career I never felt worthy of, I began making poor decisions and drinking to manage the pain of those decisions. I grew exhausted. It didn’t take much more than a promise, “I’ll take care of you,” to relinquish control of my life. In a little over two years that decision nearly destroyed me.
Our parents only know what they have experienced, and they only want us to avoid the pain they felt. The pain for my mother was being abandoned and helpless. Her mother depended on her husband regardless of how unhappy she was, and my mom tried the same life plan, but it failed miserably. She passed her power off to someone else and had no sense of her own ability to do differently. I had seemingly broken the legacy with having a successful sales career and being self-sufficient. But I found myself at a crossroad of exhaustion and hopelessness with an undercurrent of worthlessness. Compliments of my stepfather. I was perfectly broken and susceptible for a predator and conman to swoop in and level my life. I had advanced in outward circumstances, but not addressed the beliefs that shaped my thoughts and influenced my choices.
I’m happy to report today I am in a healthy and happy relationship. I am pioneering new ideals and processes for women to overcome their need to misuse alcohol. No longer do we need to fit conveniently into two nice and tidy boxes labeled “normal or alcoholic.” There is a wide continuum of alcohol use between the two ends of the spectrum. With this understanding, there is great opportunity to intercept the habitual misuse of alcohol and take charge of your life.
Our parents don’t know what’s best for us because they respond to life through their views and experiences. There is so much that they had never seen, heard, or been exposed to. Especially now in the information age. But you know. Deep inside you get little nudges and soft whispers that say– YES! And little nudges and gut cramps that say, hell NO!
Take your parents suggestions as information and compare it with your inner wisdom. And remember, if you find yourself in a situation or with a decision that you know is not quite right, exercise your power to change your mind.